So you want to attend a LAN?
This guide will show you what you need, what you don't need, and what to do when you`re there!

What you will need to take:

• A computer (preferably your own and not one you have stolen from someone smaller than you in the car-park outside the event)
• You will of course need food. Take it all in a bin liner, and take enough to last you for 3 weeks.
• A tent. You will need a tent to confine you from the rest of the LAN, you will sit in your tent on your own with your computer, this is for a few reasons. One is so that people wont see all your cheats, the other one is so it feels more like home when your on your own with your computer.
• Big speakers. You will need to take big speakers so that everyone else can hear your radio commands, your echoed footsteps and you loud guns. Everyone will love hearing their own footsteps from the other side of the room. They will love you even more if you a fat long haired greebo and like Iron Maiden or Metallica, play this as loud as you can.
• Pen and Paper. A LAN is the perfect place to harvest other peoples CD keys. You could even rig a floppy up so you put it in and it extracts the key from the registry.
• A Virus checker. With all the warez swapping and pr0n swapping that goes on in these events you never know which of these spotty nerds is going to try to put your computer out of action.
• A Virus. The easiest way to get rid of the main opposition at a LAN is to beat them to death with a keyboard. OR you could infect them with a virus and then point and laugh when they cant start up windows 2000 on their p3-1ghz.
• Beer. You will of course need lots of beer. There will be lots of nerds coming up to you going "wow are you [BOT]-Mr.AnderS0n-[t]vs[ct]!?". You will need the beer to help you start a fight with them.
• Lucky mascot. If you haven't got a mascot then you will look like a fewl. Everyone will be going "d00d, wh3r3 is da mask0t at maan!?". Don't worry, if you have forgot, sneak to the bathroom with a beer bottle, cut off some of you pubic hair (normal hair if you haven't got any) and stick it in the top, put the top back on so that the hair is sticking out at the sides and then draw a face on the label. There you go, instant c00l d00de bud bottle.
• Condoms. Chances are this is your first time outside your house. The situation might arise where you find a `partner`. Use the condoms to make balloon's to impress them.

When you are there:

• Set up your computer. Simple, you have done this loads of times. Yeah.. Find a plug, plug in the PSU.. What? You`ve forgot to bring all your cables!!? Not to worry, tell someone that you saw people sitting on their car in the car-park, while he is away steal his cables and move places so he cant find you.
• Start playing!! Make sure all your spiked models, wall hacks and aimbots aren't turned on when someone is watching, and if they see make sure they do not speak about it by typing them up, putting cotton wool in their mouth and dumping them in a field 4 miles down the road.
• Stand behind someone and watch them play for 3 hours, just stand there, don't speak. Just watch. The person playing will really appreciate the support that you`re giving them.
• Phone people on your mobile phone and shout when talking.
• `Accidentally` spill your beer over someone`s tower
• Fall asleep somewhere everyone can see you so they can all see how cool you are.
• Realise that you forgot your deodorant and develop really bad sweat problems. Don't worry, its your first day outside your room, you cant be expected to remember everything now can you!?

I hope this helps you in your quest for a social life. And remember, its not about having fun, its not about meeting people, its about how many kills you get and your kill ratio