Us beta stage CS veteran`s know pretty much what to do when an updated version of the mod is released, but what about the retailers!? Well newbie retailer scum, I've wrote this guide especially for you. Now you will know exactly what to do when a new version is released. So lets begin.

1. Wait for release date to be announced.

2. When the release date is upon us, they will set it back another week. Don't worry, this is normal. Wait until then.

3. A day before the release date send an ICQ URL to everyone on your list saying "leaked version of CS update, be the first to play it!" and point the URL to your personal website.

4. A hour before the release go to counter-strike.net and refresh the page constantly

5. Keep refreshing

6. The links appear!! its only 600mb!! Start downloading!!

7. Keep swapping download sites. They will all be running at under 2k/s, but its more fun this way

8. Three hours later the patch will be yours. Run it, it will install, until it reaches 67%, then a CRC error will appear. Corrupt install. Don't worry, this is normal.

9. Download the patch again and run it. It will complete perfectly this time.

10. Try to play the game. Join a server and it will crash "missing model cucumber.mdl"

11. Wait for the CS team to eventually realise that they have messed up, and then they will release the patch again, but even though only 1 model was missing, the new patch will be 200mb bigger. Download it. Repeat steps 7,8 and 9

12. At last the updated mod is yours! Play 1 round. They have changed the recoil system, your getting shit on, you suck with the new patch on.

13. Instead of trying to get better and adapting to the new recoil system go to the forums at cs.net and register your discust with the new patch. Bitch about every change they made. Tell them its nothing like beta 1! Tell them they have killed it.

14. Spend the rest of your life crying about it like a big woman.