.45 USP Tactical
The CT's default gun. This gun is useless with the silencer on, and is useless with it off. If you are a CT, and someone asks you to buy them a weapon, be sure to buy them this, its ideal for all situations - which is why the VIP is armed with one rather than a desert eagle.

Glock 18
This gun is the most powerfull handgun in the entire game, and in the entire world. If you press the right mouse button you can actually make it fire 3 bullets at a time! Imagine that! 3 times the power! If you shoot someone in the head with this gun, they're going down for sure u har.

Desert Eagle
If you are a true CS nutta and saw Snatch you would have been wetting yourself when Vinnie Jones pulled out his big massive deagle and actually said 'Desert Eagle' 2 times. You would have been counting the number of shots he fired before his clip was empty. You would have sprayed your hot load over the person in front of you as you watched.

Beretta Elite
If you are new to the game and name yourself '|\|30' or 'M0rp3U5', you will be wanting to buy yourself these loverly pair of beauties. You wont even bother with a primary weapon, this is your gun. They fire slow, and seem to jam, just like the real thing. It takes 30 seconds to reload them but its worth it just to get the satifaction of killing someone with them (which doesnt happen all that often)

Sig p228
Its not the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean. Some people would say this phrase encourages underage sex, but if there`s grass on the pitch, lets play. This is a small gun, but it`s faster than an homeless person drinking soup. This is the bestest gun in the whole game (apart from everything else)

Five Seven
Nine!

M3 Super 90 Combat
The best shotgun for THing when FF is off, tons of blood everywhere, Buy it, hear the crank noises. This gun is the bestest shotgun in the game. You can also shotgun jump with it, just the same as rocket jumps in Quake, fire at the ground and jump and you jump that little bit higher!

xm1014
This gun is only good for one thing, Look at the floor, keep your finger and fire and reverse, LOOK! THE SMOKE! MAJHAHAH!

MP5 Navy
This is the mp5, its an alright gun. Shit for sniping though, if you want to snipe your best off buying a sniper gun. Dont be fooled by ANYONE who says "Buy this gun, its the bestest for sniping" because they are liars.

Steyr TMP
Wow! ITS REALLY QUIET! Its only downfall is that its out of control, how could something that small and fragile kick your arm about like a crazy man!? Its mad. I actually TKed myself with it, I was shooting forward and the recoil kicked in and the gun spun all the way around and shot me in the face. Thats a true story and if you dont belive me you can ask anyone because I dont care.

UMP
Useless. This was brought in when everyone was getting tired of CS and was shouting "BR1NG IN M0R3 WE4P0NS! W3 WANT A NUVER GUN!11". So they added this. I dont know what the hell they was thinking, its 150% useless. Gooseman even told me he made it so when the bullets hit your enemy it actually GIVES them health instead of taking it away. And thats the TRUTH, ill send you the ICQ log if you dont belive me.

Mac10
TRUE STORY!: I went into a shop to buy some new razors for my shaver thing, i couldnt find them and asked this helper scum bag "Where can i find the replacement blades for the MAC10`s?" and he said "MAC10`s??" and i realised what i had said and said "Oh no, soz, MAC10 is a gun, i mean the blades for the shaver, the MACH3" and he looked at me funny like I was a gun whore who was part of the IRA and had planted a bomb in the shop somewhere. He called the police and I had a full body search inside and out. They of course let me go when they realised who I was and gave me a million pound in compensation. TRUE STORY and if you dont belive me you can ask ANYONE including Sven (ICQ: 4788079).

FN P90
I can remember this gun in beta 5, it had a big red light on it and when you pressed the right mouse button the red light would project X-rays onto the wall infront of you and you could see through the wall. They had to take it out in beta 6 because people were moaning. Its an OK gun now, excect once I was shooting with it and the recoil pulled my arm PROPER off and it flew in the air. TRUE STORY.

Colt M4A1 Carbin
I can remember when this gun was the bestest gun in the game and Terrorists could buy it. It had a scope on it so you could zoom in if you had to look at something a far far way away. It didnt have a silencer on it. I heard from Gooseman that he is gonna add `bowel` movements to a new version of cs, and you will actually be able to put the silencer up your ass you muffle the sound of your parps.

Arctic Warfare Magnum
This is the AWP. Or AWM. Only l337 people like me and Gooseman get to call it an AWM though because we are the bestest. If you aim at someone`s head with this and shoot it kills them in one bullet! Even if they have long hair and a beard. I gave gooseman the idea to make it shoot actual bullets, he wanted it to shoot lazers that opened a time warp to another world, but I convinced him. This game would be nothing without me. BOW BEFORE ME MEAR MORTALS, FOR I AM THE MESSIAH. I WILL LEAD THE INTO THY NEW WORLD!1123""

G3/SG-1 Sniper Rifle
Useless

SSG552 Commando
This is the colt with different bullets, different sounds, different models and it zooms in instead of putting a silencer on. Its the bestest gun in the game. If you shoot somewhere from miles away the bullets will travel from the gun and hit that person if you aimed right.

Sig 550
Useless

Steyr AUG
This used to be the best gun after they put the silencer on the colt. It looks stupid though. It looks like someone has welded bits of scaffolding on the side of it for no reason. Because of this it lost all respect. It just doesnt look cool enough to be one of the best weapons in the game.

AK-47
This is the same gun that Jesus H Christ carried around with him in ''The Greatest Story Ever Told : Directors Cut'', and if it was the number one choice of the sun of god who can argue with it? I know I cant. I like the orange bits. It is made of wood and it fires small bits of slate just like in Jesus's time. But since the discovery that Jesus is a homosexual ass bandit (beard, dress, group of men) this weapon has lost all its credibility.

Steyr Scout Sniper Rifle
Best sniper weapon in the whole game. It has the loverly looks of a sinclair spectrum 128k and is just as cheap. It is useless as a sniper weapon but is really usefull at stabbing eyes out. If you see a group of the enemy just throw it like a spear into them and see how many you have got (I killed 9 of them using this tactic with the speed cheat).

FN M249 PARA
This is the best weapon in the entire game. As soon as you can afford it you should buy this weapon and as much ammo as you can carry. You dont even have to fetch you finger off the fire button, just run and hold it down. Its clip holds 2000 bullets so you never have to reload at all.

Knife
This was better in beta 3 because it had a scope on it so you could actually snipe with it. Its pretty useless now though. Once in beta 4 I killed 4 people in one swipe with it (with the secondry burst fire on)

Flashbang
These are good, they made "bruuuuumppph!" noises and send you to heaven for about 4 seconds, but you dont see anything because your eyes dont have time to adjust to the bright lights of gods kingdom before you are back.

HE Grenade
HE stand for HELLO. In imperial times these were used to throw into a room before the king entered so everyone knew he was on his way. They are used today when celebrities of yester-year enter a room. I myself witnessed one in use as Jeremy Beadle entered the NEC on friday night. He was just out clubbing.

Smoke Grenade
"The power of five (5) ganja smoking jamaican`s in every grenade" Its a lie.

C4
CEEEEE FOUR.